"…I discovered the world, and through it I discovered myself…you’d be surprised how long it takes to give away 100m pounds. It’s taken me forty years and just today, today, I gave away the last penny, I’m free, at last…" -Flawless

"The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you, not in buildings of wood and stone, split a piece of wood and I am there, lift a stone and you will find me." -Stigmata

In the UN library in Geneva, there is book on the world’s problems and how to solve them, a list of problems and solutions/proposed solutions/no solutions proposed. There was also a book on the human condition, cataloging experiences of mankind. I don’t remember now if they were part of the same book divided into volumes.

One may agree or disagree with the effectiveness of the UN, but it may be one of the only platforms where all nations, in principle, can come together to discuss their problems.

Reading through the book on the world’s problems, reflecting on it now, one could imagine that it was born out of some kind of idealism, a 1970’s utopian idealism perhaps. Maybe, an idea that mankind could overcome their problems. That one day, humanity could struggle with them and solve them, and at long last stand free and tall, and live in a way seemingly like no other way before. Imagine a world without problems? Or a world where most problems were solved, or to the measure it was possible for mankind to solve?

People would have enough food, they wouldn’t starve. They would have shelter and cloths. They would have all the basics for leading a normal, healthy, life. We would have no social, political, economic, environmental, etc problems, at least those that were man made. There would be a sense of happiness, joyfullness, contentment, and peace. 

Our culture and society could give us the belief that we can solve our problems, live free, peacefully, and somewhat happy. We may have come across the idea that it is within our technological capabilities to make the world a better place and certainly make our life easier. An idea that our technology would provide for everybodies needs, economically - we would have enough to spend on providing everybody with food, shelter, and a healthier, better, quality of life. Something went quite wrong with this idea of society and technology in the last 40 years, basically it never became a reality. 

"The Orthadox Tradition considers the Universe to be a living being. Origen, in The Principles, compares it to an immense organism, the Soul of which is God."- Gnosis-Boris mouravieff-study and commentaries on the esoteric tradition of eastern orthadoxy-book one-exoteric cycle

I was trying to find a quote, but didn’t find it, that said that we carry the Universe in our hearts.

——-

I’ve been trying to find the name of the a trance(techno) song from a clip, here, but was unsuccessful. The part I like the most starts at 7:00 approximately, though the song begins much earlier, and goes to the end of the clip(it continues on part 2 till 0:45).

I am probably wrong on some of the facts and speculations in this post, but I was curious about debt.

I was reading about Greece and their debt since its been in the news lately. They are so much in debt that one wonders how they will ever get out of debt anytime in the forseeable future. The Eurozone’s proposal for writing off 100b euros in return for Greece’s austerity measures doesn’t sound good, with the aim of reduce debt to 120% of GDP by 2020(and its at 161% at the moment). At that rate, it would take them till 2044 before they reach 0 public debt, and that’s not counting the $533b Gross external debt(I guess.) They have been given bailouts of some 200 euros before. But if they will be at 120% GDP debt after 8 years, they will still be needing to loan money which will have to be repaid. With the economy showing only little growth, high unemployment, high costs of living, and higher taxes, all these things seem to put a unrealisticly heavy burden on the Greeks, too much for them to get out of debt, plus with austerity measures.

Then I found out that debt is widespread in many countries. There is a debt clock on a website here on some countries. Here is a debt clock on the US.

Another way of looking at US debt, here and here.

Money As Debt- part 1, part 2

So, maybe the solution is a new monetary system that doesn’t involve the creation of money through debt from our current financial instruments (loans, morgages, etc), i.e. creating money on a ratio of what is actually held in the bank (money that doesn’t actually exist), among other things.

At some point the debts of countries will have to be repaid, and looking at the amounts of debts countries have, one wonders how these countries will come up with the money to repay their debts. At the moment, the debts seems like they will increase and will not be able to be repaid which will seem to lead to a collapse of our financial systems, if debts continue to increase. Who will bail out all these countries? Who even has the money to do so? Writing off debt will not help under our current financial system as that would reduce the amount of units of money in the system which would in turn reduce the creating capacity of banks to "create" more money, i.e. no debt = very little money in the system (I guess).

Clarke and Dawe - European Debt Crisis

Fiction - Above the vaulted sky( music, with the lyrics of the poem "I am" )  Here is an article on John Clare and his poem, "I am." (link) A pretty powerful poem in its own right. Depressing, penetrating, revealing, real, not quite right, wrong, catching a sentiment, spot on, true, could be just some of my own reactions. But as the article puts it, "…the most disquieting aspect of "I Am" is its stark, unraving mindfulness: the delicately modulated syntactical conjunctions knitting together its first two stanzas, the nuanced precision of its semantic qualifications, the hammer blows of the title phrase repeated four times in the initial six lines, the agile alternating rhyme scheme that constrains its two sinuous periodic sentences, both coming to rest in resonantly tolling couplets..(…)" One could contrast the words "I am" in this poem with the saying of "I am" of Christ or God for a different perspective.(I was trying to think of some positive perspectives). From other perspectives, saying of "I am" takes on different meanings it could seem. The shifting motion of "I am" that starts out as almost a place reference in the poem, to a what, to both know and unknown to self and others, the identification with states, the movement of those states, the vista, dream and reality, bring to light the various perspectives this "I am" is in. Sometimes the "I am" describes a muddled and confused notion…, sometimes described almost as an appendage to something else, elsewhere as witnesser, as reciever, as commander- in presence and power, and as both observer and observed in seeing reality and wishing, or some combination. Desolation is also another key word to bring up from the article about the description of the poem. Also, the associations that words of the poem make with one’s own inner content and reponse and what it arouses within one’s self, indirectly, perhaps in a distant way, or in some odd fasion, or in a non-linear way, in agreement or in disagreement, or in partial agreement and paritial disagreement, is a point to make as well after reading the poem. I cried for a short moment while reading that article with the poem in it.

Pitbull - Give me everything ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer

The Naked And Famous - The Sun (Live at the Lab)

Red ufo sighted July 31 somewhere between ca 12:20-1:10 am. It looked like an airplane with red lights, though with a bit of orange color. It moved slowly over a section of the sky and was no longer visible after about a minute. It seemed to travel at a compartively close distance to where I sat, the buildings and the horizon. It looked something like one of these red ufos from a distance, that were seen in Finland. link . It could have been a chinese lantern or a hot-air balloon.

I wonder how long I will last at my workplace. I’m working pretty hard and I don’t know how much longer I can keep up with the pace and strain I’m working at, as I get pretty tired/strained by the end of the day. It’s not normal, I believe to feel like that. A normal work job should leave one with enough energy to feel ok when one ends one’s day at work and during work one shouldn’t feel overly exerted, but a consistant effort that lasts all day that doesn’t go beyond a certain level of exertion. Every day I want to give notice that I want to stop working to my boss.

(unfinished poem)

One day I shall find my peace,
An ancient peace as old as life itself,
Gently bathing me,
Soothing my mind.

Peace will say to me,
"Be free again."

I have schizophrenia, undifferenciated schizophrenia. I have a mild degree(or mild form) of schizophrenia, on a spectrum of showing no symptoms to extreme symptoms. I didn’t always have it, but I’ve had it for a long time (if I am to believe the dedutions I make from what my psychiatrist said, sometimes I don’t believe I have schizophrenia, though belief in it is not required to have it, and that’s also ok). The schizophrenia that I experience makes me feel blocked up inside. It acts as a blockage to my sense of self and my essense. It makes me feel seperated from my emotional life. It makes my intellectual thinking unclear and muddled. It makes me distrustful of people at times. It makes me fearful. It cuts me off from a sense of shared environment and community, on a general and personal level. It’s almost always there in my conscious mind, like a disease of the mind, in the times I’m awake. Other disordered I’ve been told I had, or could have applied somehow were, narcisissm(in the sense of being a victum of a narcissist and thereby acquiring narcissim one’s self), autism(in conjuction with schizophrenia, in the sense of difficulty to express one’s self), a rare disorder that involves something about remaining in a child like state and missing one’s mother or mother figure loss - though I don’t know the accurate definision, obsessive compulsive disorder with mild depression and maybe something else(I can’t remember now if about the "mild depression" part, though the obsessive complulsive disorder with mild depression and maybe something else was replaced by a diagnosis of schizophrenia), depression(though this may not altogether be true as it was a long time ago and I forgot what my psychiatrist said then, a short few meetings and leaving with a recommendation on a book on mood therapy is all I remember about it), schizophrenia, severe psychological disorders. The schizophrenia that I experience will inevitably distort the reality of the things I write about, so I ask that you keep this in mind, especially when I write about personal things or things that cannot be verified by others. What I write will be colored at times by illness, and I ask that you keep that in mind when you read what I write, as it may color what you read, and color the reality of what I write about. The way my schizophrenia affects me, affects the things I write, so I ask that you keep that in mind, as you read my posts, that I have a mental illness, and that what I write can be a distortion of reality. The reality of my posts can be distorted by the nature of the way my personal experience of schizophrenia affects me, as it can affect the reality of them by distorting the objective validity of their contents and thereby making them inaccurate representations of reality. Another point is that, I have something in mind and an intention that may or may not come across in my writing at times and that may or may not be understood by the reader, or sometimes I write things that give a different impression that what I intented…unfortunate situations for myself and the reader, but that’s now stated. 

Now, back to what I was writing about on Tuesday. What will happen in the future? Is humanity going to perish in ice and fire? Is humanity going to evolve? Is there only individual evolution and salvation? Are we all in it alone to the bitter end? Is it in the mode of the 4th way? Will there be a general evolution? Is it one person, against all the odds, no bars held to hardship, burning and suffering, living every waking moment with the intention to evolve before "the time is out" due to various limitations or the threat of some mega apocalypse in the near future weighing on the person, striving for knowledge, striving to aquire the keys and knowledge to escape, living with the aim to aquire the knowledge to evolve before its too late, like his/her life depended on it or face death and annihilation and an earth that is no more, doing it alone for the most part, a monumental effort, with the prospects extremely slime of success, the way it is? Is it inevitible that change will come, and there is nothing we can do about it, and evolution will take place naturally, as naturally as anything in the history of the universe, that nothing need be done, that it was intended, as natural as the sun shining, the rain falling, flowers blossoming or a being maturing, or a book that has turned to another page? I’m distraught when I think about these things. It hard to express how it makes me think and feel. 

Maybe we all live in our own universes, if all is phenomenon in the world out there, maybe each one of us is like a universe, each seperate, each sharing some common elements but each to his/her own universe, each having its own destiny that can be extremely varied and different, so many things become possible. Maybe the earth is like a collection of crossing points where all our universes meet for that particular space and place, where we share that part of our universe(s). Maybe that would consolidate the seeming disparity of inner evolution of an individual and his/her outer evolution, of phenomena and reality, of each persons lessons plan and appearane. Or to put it differently, each of us is the universe, each of us shares a part of it and is a part of it, and by evolving we gain access to more of it, more of ourselves that we may not have thought we had, just as a book contains the whole story, we become familiar to more of ourself and everything else, then just a few sentences on the page when we can read more of the story, and later still more things could become possible, perhaps. Each of us becomes who we always were, and it needn’t be lonely either.

Today was a strange day at work, the weather was cool this morning, down near freezing, then it got warmer, then it snowed, then it got warmer. It snowed, and it’s May 3. It was weird seeing big snowflakes to the background of new leaves from the trees and lively green colors.

The bird were singing out in the country when it was sunny, with clear skies, and warm. It’s nice to hear them sing. It reminds me of life in the country in the summer, the birds singing in the skys above fields.  

I wonder about the future and what will happen. I wonder what kinds of changes are in store. I wonder what the outcomes will be. I wonder how they will afffect me. I wonder if I will be able to survive them. I wonder what life will be like in the future. I wonder if changes are written across the heavens, in the stars, over our hands, over our bodies, over everything, in everything, and everywhere.

I’ve been listen to Foo Fighters’ My Hero today. There are a lot of songs to be listened to out there in the world and maybe some that I’d like.

Soon its time for me to sleep, and maybe dream, and then wake up bright and early in the morning for a tiring day’s work, and come home tired. Maybe I’ll contemplate on "the ultimate reality," tonight, or maybe I’m too tired…hmm, will see.